You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
