I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
