chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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