At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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