fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize