You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
