Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize