i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
