Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
