When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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