you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
