soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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