Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pants are for mortals
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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