Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
