I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But theres a keg here and me gusta
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
