also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
