I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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