I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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