I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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