he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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