she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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