Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
