He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
