Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
