good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize