All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
