dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
