I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
