White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize