What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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