he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
