Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
