Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
