My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
