you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
