It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize