It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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