***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
