READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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