just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
