My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
