Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
