I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
