I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
