Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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