And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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