woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
