I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
