And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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