Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
