the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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