if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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