$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
