high people should be assigned attendants
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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