somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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