Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
