i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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