sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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