I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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