Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
