everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
