then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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