you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
