just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
