it hurts more in the daytime
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
