I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
