i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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