Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
