Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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