Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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