I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Randomize
