If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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