i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
