i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
