I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i came on her dog
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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