I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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