What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No more Irish car bombs ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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